Bernucca: Magic, Sixers are The Walking Dead of the playoffs

If you are like me and a fan of the TV show The Walking Dead, you were thoroughly intrigued by the recent season finale, which showed a strange hooded female character who had gained control of two formerly relentless zombies, rendering them harmless annoyances by severing their arms and placing them on leashes.

In a way, those zombies could have been the Orlando Magic and Philadelphia 76ers, a pair of dead teams walking into what should otherwise be a very alive and vibrant NBA postseason party.

There is an outside possibility that they could be joined by the Houston Rockets, who despite a monumental meltdown are still alive, yet to be shot in the head.

The Magic already are in, the 76ers are one win or one Milwaukee loss from being in, and the Rockets are still trying to get in.

But the truth is they are already out, having spent most of April proving they are not worthy of playing in May.

All season, much was made of how Eastern Conference teams at the bottom of the bracket needed to climb to sixth place in order to avoid a first-round matchup with Chicago or Miami. It is a different discussion now, with the Bulls and Heat better served by not finishing second and drawing the dangerous New York Knicks.

The Magic need one win or a loss by the Knicks to hold onto the sixth slot. Their season was supposed to take off once Dwight Howard decided to stay for another season but instead has unraveled. Orlando is 8-11 since Howard’s announcement, going 3-9 vs. current postseason teams.

Howard’s refusal to play for Stan Van Gundy decision to have season-ending back surgery does remove uncertainty from the postseason equation. But it also removes any semblance of toughness the Magic could display. They are highly vulnerable on defense and the backboards and often show questionable effort, a recipe for disaster against the physical Pacers.

The second-half swoon of the 76ers was punctuated by getting booed off the floor in Tuesday’s home finale, a loss to Indiana that ran their most recent slide to seven losses in 10 games. They regrouped a bit with wins Wednesday at Cleveland and Saturday at Indiana and were helped tremendously by Milwaukee’s losses at Washington and Indiana.

The Sixers have a magic number of one, but don’t punch their ticket just yet. The Bucks have the easier schedule with three home games, including Wednesday’s showdown with Philadelphia that will determine the tiebreaker.

And even if they do get in, the Sixers haven’t shown the firepower, confidence or wherewithal to make their stay worthwhile. For more than a month, they have been playing from a position of panic. Should they get in, their vital transition game will be marginalized and force them into crunch-time affairs, where they were 0-8 in games decided by four points or less until edging Indiana on Saturday.

In the Western Conference, it’s difficult to imagine the Rockets getting in after watching them lose six straight games as their defense has disappeared. However, it was just as difficult to imagine the Rockets not getting in after a 4-0 road trip immediately preceding their slide had them seemingly secure at sixth.

The first five losses were almost acceptable, with each one coming to a West foe with its own postseason hopes at stake. But Thursday’s overtime setback at New Orleans illustrated a cold, hard truth: Houston is choking.

“I really don’t know what happened,” forward Luis Scola said. “I’m trying to find the answer and I just can’t. … All of a sudden we started missing shots. We felt the pressure and could not finish the game.”

At least Scola could talk about it. Rockets coach Kevin McHale answered three questions before ending his postgame media session by walking away in disgust.

Saturday’s home win over Golden State has the Rockets tied with Phoenix and one game behind Utah, which hosts Phoenix on Tuesday. But Houston loses the tiebreaker to both clubs and still has a visit to Miami tonight.

The metaphor of armless zombies fits best with the Rockets, who have lost five – count ’em, five – overtime games since March 4. During their skid, they have allowed an average of 107.1 points and been outscored, 171-119, in the third quarter.

Even if they somehow sneaked into the eighth seed, it would be absurd to assume Houston could put up any sort of resistance to the overwhelming offenses of either San Antonio or Oklahoma City.

So what do the Magic, 76ers and Rockets have to look forward to, other than a postseason pounding?

Well, October will bring the promise of a new NBA season.

Right around that time, the new season of The Walking Dead should be starting up as well.

TRIVIA: Tyson Chandler leads the NBA with a .681 field-goal percentage. Who are the only two players to make at least two of every three of their shots for an entire season? Answer below.

THE END OF CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT: A fan sitting in the front row of the Knicks-Nets game Wednesday night at the Prudential Center got hit in the head with the ball because he was too busy texting to watch the game.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Washington Wizards forward Andray Blatche, who has not played in more than a month due to conditioning issues, explaining how he is going about dropping extra weight:

“I cut my hair. That’s five pounds right there.”

LINE OF THE WEEK: Al Jefferson, Utah vs. Dallas, April 16: 54 minutes, 14-25 FGs, five offensive rebounds, 26 total rebounds, one assist, one steal, two blocks, 28 points in a 123-121 triple-overtime win. In a game the Jazz absolutely had to have, Jefferson dominated the backboards, and 12 of his 14 buckets came on jumpers.

LINE OF THE WEAK: Antawn Jamison, Cleveland at Detroit, April 17: 29 minutes, 0-10 FGs, 0-4 3-pointers, 3-4 FTs, four rebounds, two assists, four turnovers, three points in a 116-77 loss. Included in Jamison’s gem was a staggering plus-minus of minus-47. One of his turnovers included a pass to a referee. “I just know that I’m not going to be watching SportsCenter or reading any newspapers for the next couple days,” he said.

GAME OF THE WEEK: Phoenix at Utah, April 24. A probable playoff berth for the winner and a likely lottery trip for the loser. Both teams missed the postseason a year ago.

GAME OF THE WEAK: New Jersey at Toronto, April 26. On the season’s final day, the ultimate “Who Cares?” game.

TRILLION WATCH: There were some close calls, with Dante Cunningham of Memphis avoiding a 9 trillion with a block and Greg Stiemsma of Boston averting a 10 trillion with three fouls. But the week was otherwise quiet, with San Antonio’s James Anderson registering a 3 trillion Friday vs. the Lakers.

TWO MINUTES: Blake Griffin and Derrick Rose are two of the biggest young stars in the game. They also may be the biggest targets for cheap shots from opponents. While Griffin’s penchant for posterizing foes with monstrous dunks does not sit well with foes, some of the retaliation has been way across the line, such as Robin Lopez’s swinging guillotine Thursday that earned him an ejection. Lopez’s claim afterward that he was going for the ball was laughable. Clippers coach Vinny Del Negro called it “dirty,” and Griffin is reaching the end of his rope. “I’m definitely sick of taking hard hits,” he told reporters. “I’m sick of it, but it’s going to keep on happening.” The approach with Rose is a bit different, as opponents are less worried about being immortalized on YouTube and more concerned with keeping him away from the basket. In Sunday’s win at Detroit, he took a flagrant foul to the face from Charlie Villanueva, whose interest in the ball appeared incidental. “I was mad,” Rose said. “I’m sick and tired of people trying to take cheap shots at me.” Unfortunately for Griffin and Rose, we are headed to the playoffs, the time of the season where this stuff only gets worse. … In Sunday’s win at New York, Miami’s Big Three of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh scored 73 of the team’s 93 points and grabbed 33 of its 47 rebounds. This is exactly what colleague Chris Perkins was talking about in his column last week. … The Clippers went 3-1 against the Thunder this season, primarily because they have been able to corral Russell Westbrook, limiting the explosive point guard to 37 percent shooting and 4.5 assists while forcing him into 4.8 turnovers. But Kevin Durant isn’t that impressed. “They’re really good, but I don’t think they’re a better team than us,” said Durant, who averaged 28.5 points vs. the Clippers. “It’s not like we’re afraid of them or that we’re scared to see those guys later on.” … Pacers coach Frank Vogel said Friday that George Hill will continue to start at point guard even after Darren Collison returns from a sore groin. Although Hill is more of a combo guard while Collison is a pure point guard, Indiana was 7-0 with Hill starting at the point until Saturday’s OT loss to Philly. At 6-2 and 180 pounds, Hill is two inches taller and 20 pounds heavier than Collison. He also has played 20 playoff games – averaging in double figures – while Collison has played just five. … A couple of other playoff-bound teams have rotation decisions to make based on injuries. The Grizzlies can still steal the fourth seed and homecourt advantage in the first round from the Clippers or Lakers but have to be cautious with Marc Gasol, who is nursing a knee injury and has had his minutes reduced lately. Meanwhile, the Hawks can snare the homecourt edge by finishing with a better record than the fourth-seeded Celtics but are running out of centers. Jason Collins is Atlanta’s only healthy legitimate pivot as Zaza Pachulia and Erick Dampier are sidelined with injuries. Asked if Pachulia – who has held down the fort in the absence of injured Al Horford – would be ready for the playoffs, Hawks coach Larry Drew could only offer, “I hope so.” However, Horford, who has been out since January with a torn pectoral muscle, has been cleared for contact and could be back during the first round. … A week ago, we tabbed the New Orleans-Charlotte matchup as our Game of the Weak, and the conference cellar dwellers made us look good. In the third quarter, they combined for 20 points – the fewest combined points in a quarter of any NBA game since 2004 – on 6-of-40 shooting. … J.J. Hickson is averaging 14.4 points and 7.9 rebounds since joining Portland, showing that his numbers last season in Cleveland (13.8 ppg, 8.7 rpg) were not a mirage. He becomes an unrestricted free agent this summer and sounds as if he likes it in the City of Roses. “Even when we’re losing, they’re (fans) still cheering and they’re yelling at the top of their lungs,” he said. “That’s something you can’t buy and that’s something you can’t take for granted. I’ve played for other teams where it’s not like that.” In what is looking like a truly abominable  trade, the Kings released Hickson nine months after sending Omri Casspi and a first-round pick to Cleveland for him. … At times this season, Spurs coach Gregg Popovich has decided to rest his stars. And at other times, opponents have made the decision for him. Golden State surrendered to San Antonio on Monday night, allowing 70 points in the first half of a 120-99 loss. As a result, Popovich played his starters just 80 minutes. or one-third of the game. … Jazz guard Devin Harris never had shot better than .336 from 3-point range and was puttering along at .329 until catching fire lately. In his last eight games, Harris has made 26-of-58 from the arc, a sizzling .448 clip. His explanation? “It does wonders when you’re shooting wide-open shots,” he said. …One of the few bright spots in an ugly season for the Bobcats has been the play of Gerald Henderson, who is emerging as one of the league’s better young shooting guards. His scoring average is up more than 5 ppg to 15.0, and he has increased his rebounds, assists and free-throw attempts as well. But right now, he is only concerned with getting one more win and avoiding the stigma of being the worst team (percentage-wise) in NBA history. “We don’t want to set that record,” he said. “That’s something that we’re thinking about and we’ve talked about. We just want to win. That’s my sole goal. We’ve set goals for ourselves at the start of the season and haven’t accomplished hardly any of them. But with these last (four) games, that’s one that we’ve set and we want to accomplish that one.” Charlotte has lost a franchise-record 19 in a row and needs one win to avoid the mark. The Bobcats host Sacramento tonight and visit Washington on Monday.

Trivia Answer: Wilt Chamberlain (1966-67, 1972-73) and Artis Gilmore (1980-81). … Happy 63rd Birthday, Spencer Haywood. … Does Derek Fisher have a job waiting for him at the NBA whenever he decides to stop playing?

Chris Bernucca is a regular contributor to SheridanHoops.com. His columns appear Wednesday and Sunday. You can follow him on Twitter.