The Bucks have played as badly as Danny Schayes looks in this photo. Just kidding, Danny!
The Milwaukee Bucks are terrid.
That’s right—they’re so bad, I had to make up a new word to describe them. It’s like that Sonic commercial where they needed to make up words to describe how delicious that chicken sandwich is.
(I’m still trying to work “spice-dictive” into a sentence for the first time).
Terrid is easier, though. It’s a combination of “terrible” and “horrid,” and it’s the only proper word that can describe the way you feel when you watch O.J. Mayo bounce the ball off of his foot, take a contested 27-footer with 20 seconds left on the shot clock and throw the ball three feet over Nate Wolters’ head on a routine chest pass, all in an 80-second span.
In fact, that might be the literal definition of the word terrid. I may use it when I submit the word to Webster’s Dictionary, after it inevitably becomes a part of pop culture.
The Bucks are so bad, they make “Hot Tub Time Machine” look like quality entertainment. They make David Koechner sound intelligent.
Perhaps worst of all, they make the Detroit Pistons look like a well-run organization. Well, except for that Josh Smith contract. What is it, nine years, eleventy billion?
Milwaukee is 4-16. They just lost. At home. To the Nets.
That’s the kind of thing you don’t come back from.
But as they say, every dark cloud has its silver lining. For the Bucks, that silver lining has been combo forward Khris Middleton.
The Middle Man has been like the Jennifer Lawrence in the Bucks’ Bradley Cooper existence in that Silver Linings Playbook movie, and that analogy makes a lot of sense because the Bucks play at the Bradley Center.
Also, I need to lie down.
Middleton went for a career-high 29 points in a rare 109-105 win over the Wizards on Friday. He has scored in double figures 10 times already this season. At this point with Detroit as a rookie last season, Middleton had played 12 minutes over three games and had four points.
Milldeton is averaging 11.3 points and 3.9 rebounds while shooting 48 percent from 3-point range. He has provided a consistent scoring presence in an effort to make up for the loss of Rankings favorite Larry Sanders, who has missed all but three games due to injury.
In fact, Middleton looks like the only guy on the Bucks who wasn’t invited to a preseason meeting with management about “expectations.”
Now that I think of it, maybe “terrid” isn’t the word for the Bucks.
How does tank-tastic sound?
On to the rankings.