Miss the NBA yet?
Believe it or not, my wife does. She has a job with a long commute that usually gets her home around 9 p.m. By that time, my son and I have commandeered the TV and are bouncing back and forth on League Pass, trying to watch the fourth quarter of all the early games.
Normally, she walks in while we are shouting at the TV about a great play or a blown defensive assignment or a missed call. Although she is generally ignored until a commercial, this is what she misses – her son spending time with his father, doing something they love.
My son and I miss the tension of the NBA, which is true reality TV. There’s no fake landscaping or staged altercations or fundraisers masquerading as weddings. Each game we watch has never been played before and never will be played again. It’s not another sitcom or another drama or another movie. You really don’t know what’s going to happen until it happens.
As anyone with the ability to click away from Sunday Night Football already knows, The Walking Dead successfully replicates that edge-of-your-seat tension. But that’s just an hour each week, not anywhere near enough to fill the nightly void of missed games, now up to 324 and counting.
At least the high school basketball season starts Monday. In the interim – which could be a while – challenge yourself with this lockout quiz.
1. Public perception is that the NBA lockout is the fault of
A. The players, because they went on strike
B. The players, because they’re selfish prima donnas
C. The players, because they started the “Occupy 5-Star Hotels” movement
D. The players, because they’re more recognizable than the owners
2. Ron Artest has changed his name to
A. Metta Physical
B. Metta Man with Sevenwives
C. Metta World Peace
D. Dennis Rodman
3. In place of canceled NBA games, TNT is airing
A. The Closer
B. Law & Order
C. Bones
D. The Closer, Law & Order and Bones
4. Which player scored the most points in an exhibition game this summer?
A. Kevin Durant
B. Gary Forbes
C. John Wall
D. Kobe Bryant
5. Which NBPA member has had the worst offseason?
A. JaVale McGee
B. Derek Fisher
D. Javaris Crittenton
6. True or false: Kris Humphries’ marriage to Kim Kardashian lasted longer than the NBA playoffs.
7. One of the return concessions the union is looking for is
A. No mini-mid-level exception
B. A Mini-Cooper
C. Mini-Me
D. Minnie Driver
8. What is a “disclaimer of interest”?
A. A negotiating strategy Billy Hunter didn’t know about until two weeks ago
B. An action taken by a union to expedite a court proceeding
C. Andray Blatche’s general approach to his profession
D. The casual fan’s attitude once the NBA finally returns
9. Identify the document containing this excerpt: “Tax rates for teams that are taxpayers in at least 4 out of any 5 seasons (starting in 2011-12) increase by $1 at each increment (e.g., for team salary $5M-$10M above the Tax level, the Tax rate for a repeat taxpayer is $2.75-for-$1 instead of $1.75-for-$1).”
A. The SAT
B. The LSAT
C. The memo from owners to players
D. Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 tax plan
10. During the lockout, the union’s executive committee has maintained constant contact with the rank and file through
A. self-serving manifesto letters from Derek Fisher
B. an automated phone messaging system, like the one that calls you when your kid’s school is on fire
D. smoke signals
11. When David Stern described someone’s actions as “routinely despicable,” he was referring to
A. LeBron James in the 4th quarter of the NBA Finals
B. Jeffrey Kessler
C. Billy Hunter
D. All attorneys, including himself
12. Which attorney was once described by Washington Monthly as a “mad genius”?
A. David Boies
B. David Stern
C. Billy Hunter
D. Jeffrey Kessler
13. When Micky Arison tweeted to a fan, “You’re barking at the wrong owner,” the owner he was trashing was
A. Dan Gilbert
B. Robert Sarver
C. Rupert Murdoch
D. Simon Legree
14. Who said, “Don’t point your finger at me. I’m not your child”?
A. Tim Duncan to Joey Crawford
B. Billy Hunter to Mark Bartelstein
C. Dwyane Wade to David Stern
D. A Seattle teenager to Shawn Kemp
15. College basketball : NBA
A. Spam : Ham
A. Gears of War : Iraqi War
B. Victoria’s Secret catalog : Porn
D. Every other independent basketball site : SheridanHoops.com
ANSWERS: 1. D 2. C 3. D 4. B 5. D 6. True 7. A 8. B 9. C 10. A 11. B 12. A 13. A or B 14. C 15. D
13-15 CORRECT – You are a true NBA junkie and probably trying to start a barnstorming tour.
10-12 CORRECT – You are a legitimate NBA fan wondering whether if League Pass will be discounted if there is a shortened season.
7-9 CORRECT – You start following the NBA the day after the Super Bowl.
4-6 CORRECT – You are a casual fan who only watches the playoffs. In fact, it’s surprising that you took this quiz in the first place.
1-3 CORRECT – College basketball, baybee!!! It’s awesome with a capital A!!!!!
0 CORRECT – Hey, Sid the Kid is back, eh?
Chris Bernucca is a regular contributor to SheridanHoops.com. His column appears every Thursday. You can follow him on Twitter.
the Seattle kid 1 is funny!!! lmao
very funny, I got about three correct, showing my lack of interest until they actually start playing games again.
I got 12, do I win a pinball machine Chris?
Also:
8. What is a “disclaimer of interest”?
A. A negotiating strategy Billy Hunter didn’t know about until two weeks ago (which I answered)
is fairly debatable.
Agreed. But as in many multiple choice exams, there is an answer more correct than that one. BTW, it’s Sheridan with the pinball machine. I’m stuck with Spider Solitaire on my laptop.
Fundraiser masquerading as a wedding……….brilliant
Hahahaha nice one! Thanks for the good laugh.