Don’t forget the long-running narratives. Garnett is a dirty player! Not as dirty as Wade! Pierce gets all the calls! Not as many as James! All Doc Rivers does is whine! Ray Allen is a traitor!
And, of course, Danny Ainge needs to shut the f*** up!
If Boston remains seventh – it has a two-game lead, but Milwaukee holds the tiebreaker – it will get New York or Indiana in the first round. While both of those matchups may appear more winnable to 
Celtics fans, they are not more appealing to NBA fans.
Celtics-Knicks certainly has some intrigue, but Celtics-Pacers would be a first-and-10 series relegated to NBA TV. Keep in mind that would also saddle fans with Bucks-Heat, a matchup with all the suspense of nail-hammer.
And if the Celtics don’t face the Heat in the first round, it is highly unlikely they will meet down the road, because Boston would have to get past both New York and Indiana to set up a conference finals showdown with Miami. Since the current playoff format was installed in 1984, one seventh seed – the 1987 Seattle SuperSonics – has reached the NBA’s final four.
So if you are an NBA fan, root for the Bucks to finish seventh and set up Celtics-Heat.
Then just shut the f*** up and watch.
TRIVIA: Which team has not won a home game since the All-Star break? Answer below.
THE END OF CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT: Seven years after its creation permanently changed the worlds of social media, breaking news and communication in general, Phil Jackson finally joined Twitter.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK FROM SOMEONE OTHER THAN PAT RILEY: Philadelphia 76ers center Spencer Hawes, after being told their win in Sacramento ended a road losing streak that lasted 82 days:
“That’s like a summer break when you were in grade school.”
LINE OF THE WEEK: John Wall, Washington vs. Memphis, March 25: 45 minutes, 13-22 FGs, 2-4 3-pointers, 19-24 FTs, seven rebounds, eight assists, one steal, one block, two turnovers, 47 points in a 107-94 win. The top pick in the 2010 draft exploded for a career high against one of the NBA’s top defensive backcourts and did so despite five of his rotation teammates sitting out with injuries.
LINE OF THE WEAK: Jrue Holiday, Philadelphia at Utah, March 25: 24 minutes, 2-8 FGs, 1-2 3-pointers, 2-4 FTs, one rebound, one assist, zero steals, four turnovers, seven points in a 107-91 loss. In a back-to-back and the last game of a road trip, the All-Star point guard looked like he couldn’t wait 
to get home, posting a minus-38.
TRILLION WATCH: After a couple of ho-hum weeks, the heroes of zeros have made a late-season surge. Clippers forward Grant Hill – not a name we expect to see here – went for a 6 trillion Tuesday at Dallas and Magic guard Doron Lamb matched that lack of effort Wednesday at Charlotte. Honorable mention to Philadelphia guard Royal Ivey and his 4 trillion Monday at Utah.
GAME OF THE WEEK: Dallas at LA Lakers, April 2. This game will go a long way toward deciding the eighth seed in the Western Conference. The Mavericks are starting a four-game trip that could be rendered meaningless should they lose to the Lakers, who get on a plane just once in April.
It’s not going to happen. Probably for the best, Boston would get steamrolled for all the passion they would bring. That rivalry deserves better.
Next year’s ECF playoffs, with a Rose-led Chicago, a Rondo-led Boston, perhaps a Bynum-led Philly, probably a Wall-led Washington, Indiana reinforced either by Granger or by whoever they get in trade for Granger… should be a humdinger.