Donald T. Sterling
Sterling World Plaza
Beverly Hills, Calif. 90210
Dear Donald,
How the heck are you?
Long time, no see. Oh gosh, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.
We miss you, or at least I do. After decades covering you as Clipper owner, where will I ever get another one like you?
It’s a year since you, uh, left.
I know how badly you must miss your guys.
As to whether anyone ever asks about you, uh, well, not really a lot.
I’m sure they they remember you fondly. They probably don’t want to dwell on it so it doesn’t become a distraction.
One year after your scandal, they asked Doc Rivers about you Sunday after your old guys beat the Rockets, again, like rented stiffs, again.
(The score was 125-98, although, to be honest, the Rockets kept fouling DeAndre Jordan, sending him to the line 38 times, and I dozed off, along with most of the viewing audience across the nation.)
“It’s not an anniversary I keep track of,” said Doc.
No, there’s not a chance in the world Rivers doesn’t remember you, and not just because you hired him and gave him all that money. No one who ever met you or heard of you will ever forget you.
As a matter of fact, your guys are doing great. They lead the Rockets, 3-1. One more win and they’re in the West Finals!
Oh, right, your teams never went that far. Well, the conference finals happen when the two winners from the second round meet to see which one represents the West in the NBA Finals.
Yes, that’s the one you have to win to become NBA champions!
I know, you never thought you’d live to see this day.
Who among us did?
Amazingly enough, this team and this coaching staff were almost entirely assembled under you. The main players are the ones who were here last spring, when Adam Silver banned your for life or the end of time, whichever came last.
Right, Blake, CP3, DJ, Matt, JJ, Jamal, Baby. Doc’s on the sideline. Your gang’s all still here, except, of course, you.
I don’t know why they couldn’t do this when you were around. Karma, I guess.
I don’t think you’d know very many of the other guys, but then, nobody in town knows them either, except for Doc son, Austin Rivers.
Right, it’s very unusual for an NBA coach to have his son play for him. Actually, it’s never happened before.
Exactly, Doc acquired him in his role as team president.
No, Austin doesn’t just get an allowance. He made $2.4 million this season.
Yes, I know it’s really, really unusual for a coach who’s also runs the basketball operation to acquire his own son and pay him $2.4 million per… the more so if the team needed a backup point guard and Austin was a combo guard and a struggling young one at that.
I guess it could be considered malfeasance, at that. On the other hand, Austin has turned into a player this postseason.
This series started with Chris Paul out with a hamstring pull and everyone convinced you could stick a fork in your old guys… the same way everyone thought they were dead meat against the Spurs, who lost leads of 2-1 and 3-2, both times at home.
So Austin starts the first two games in Houston, by default. Your guys steal one, then come home and stomp the Rockets twice. Austin’s averaging 14.5 points and shooting 56% in the series.
Exactly, that Doc’s pretty cagey, after all. That’s why you hired him!
Not to take anything away from your guys, but there does seem to be something wrong with the Rockets, like they’re in a coma, or just not very enthusiastic.
You know how stars often come out and go nuts when they’re snubbed for an award?
That didn’t happen with James Harden. After they announced that Steph Curry had beaten him out for the MVP, he came out and scored 20 in the Game 1 loss.
In the three games they lost, he has averaged 22 points – five under what he scored during the season. Without garbage time, it wouldn’t be that many.
Then there’s Dwight Howard. What can I say? Still Dwight after all these years. Played in the 2009 Finals at age 23. Has won one playoff series with three teams since.
So, the future’s looking bright for your old Clipper family.
There may even be a place for you. This is, after all, The House That You Built. You could still be named executive of the year!
It’s just like the old days. Hope springs eternal!
Keep in touch,
Mark
Hall of Fame writer Mark Heisler is a founding member and regular contributor to SheridanHoops, as well as the Los Angeles Daily News and Forbes.com. Follow him on Twitter.