We will spare you too many of the gory details of Team USA’s massacre of Finland. Here’s all you need to know: The Finns were 0-for-17 from the field in the second quarter.
If you watched the entire game, congratulations.
You have proven yourself worthy of throwing away two perfectly good summertime hours from your Labor Day weekend that could have been spent doing something more enjoyable, like watching paint dry.
Day One of the 2014 FIBA World Cup is in the books, and the only people who are disappointed are those who thought taking Finland and the 35 points was a worthy gamble.
At least one American did, and he is $1 poorer because of it. Hint: He was at the game in Bilbao, and he had the funniest tweet of the game. It concerned Tom Thibodeau.
Making $1 bets on basketball games is permissible even among the most puritan of journalists. I have been betting $1 on Knicks games for about 15 years with a longtime beat writer who is not named Frank Isola, and we carry over the balance from season to season without ever squaring up.
Myself, I am still down $1, net, on this year’s Team USA games after getting beaten up in two straight friendlies (we alternate on who gets to make the pick.) I will go ahead and make a prediction: The Americans will be favored by 39 1/2 over Turkey when the line is posted, and the spread will move into the 40s from there.
But back to Saturday’s US-Finland game, and noteworthy items from other games, because you came here for details:
_ Finland was one of the wild card entries into the tournament after defeating Greece, Turkey, Russia and Slovenia last year at Eurobasket. You can poke fun at them all you want, but Murphy, Peteri Kaponen and the unfortunate Gerald Lee (three fouls in the first 2 minutes, 8 seconds) can at least boast that they are playing. So take that, Timofey Mozgov, Danilo Galinari and Yi Jianlian. There is no joy in losing by 59, but it is better than watching on TV because you let down your entire country by failing to qualify — as was the case for the Italians, the Russians and the Chinese. Oh, and another thing. Murphy gets to play with LeBron James next season if he makes the Cavs in training camp. They got him in a trade with the Jazz.
_ Who played great for Team USA? Heck, who didn’t? OK, there actually was one guy who didn’t: Stephen Curry (should we start a debate over whether Klay Thompson should be starting ahead of him? Hey, we’ve all grown tired of the Kyrie Irving v. Derrick Rose debate). Curry was 0-for-5 on 3s and 1-for-6 overall, though he did have five assists — matching the number of turnovers committed by Rose. DeMar DeRozan also merited dishonorable mention for going 1-for-5.
_ Klay Thompson was high scorer with 18 points and Anthony Davis had 17. Take away the, ahem, shooting of DeRozan and Curry, and the remainder of the U.S. team shot 41-for-62 (66 percent). Rose was a plus-45 in 23 minutes. James Harden had four steals. Andre Drummond make his only foul shot — though it hung on the rim long enough that someone could have knocked it out of the basket cylinder, which is allowed in FIBA games, if the players weren’t as disinterested as the folks watching back at home, whether in Helsinki or Hyannis.
_ The game was so boring that it offered viewers the opportunity to Google Miss Finland. Her name is Bea Toivonen, and she apparently doesn’t miss many meals. And you now have an explanation for the photo posted above. They should name a panda after her: “Chin-chin.”
Thankfully, the USA-Finland game wasn’t the only one being played. Some fast facts from the other games:
_ Best match of the day was Brazil-France, won by the old men from South America 65-63. The Brazilians have 10 guys on their roster 29 or older. (The Americans have none.) Brazil coach Ruben Magnano went 12 deep, using every player on his roster. Marcelinho Huertas, who is not playing in the NBA only because his buyout with FC Barcelona is 8 million Euros (not a typo), led Brazil with 16 points and five assists. France is playing without Tony Parker and Joakim Noah.
_ Some consolation news to fans of the Indiana Pacers, who just learned that Ian Mahinmi (Roy Hibbert’s backup) is out 2-3 months with a dislocated shoulder. Indiana reserve Luis Scola, who did quite the Houdini impression during the NBA playoffs, had 20 points and nine rebounds in Argentina’s 98-75 victory over Puerto Rico. Also in this game, the market for trade bait J.J. Barea of the Timberwolves may have heated up as he went for 24 points and shot 5-for-8 from downtown. Why on Earth did Sam Hinkie not get him in the Thaddeus Young deal? The Sixers confuse us.
_ In the Yo Brooklyn! department, incoming Net Bogan Bogdanovic had 26 points in Croatia’s 81-78 overtime victory over the Philippines. Former Net and unsigned free agent Andray Blatche had 28 points and 12 boards for his adopted homeland in a losing cause. Sixers property Dario Saric had 10 points, nine rebounds and four assists for Croatia.
_ Spain defeated Iran 90-60, making the 30 point spread a push (the 23-point Greece-Senegal line was a push, too). Hamed Haddadi had 16 points, 15 rebounds and seven turnovers. He is one of 30 former NBA players in the tournament, along with 45 active NBA players and 17 players whose rights are held by NBA teams. For Spain, Pau Gasol had 33 points in 29 minutes and Marc Gasol had 15 points in 31 minutes. Serge Ibaka was a DNP. (hamstring).
_ Dante Exum might have been a poor pick for All-Tournament team. He had no points, one assist and one turnover in 11 minutes of Australia’s 90-80 loss to Slovenia.
_ Jonas Valanciunas was 8-for-8 from the field in Lithuania’s 87-74 victory over Mexico. Lithuania shot 55 percent from 3-point range. They are the only team, in my opinion, that has even the slightest chance of defeating Team USA in the knockout stage. The teams would likely meet in the semifinals.
_ Aron Baynes (New Zealand, UFA-Spurs) and Gorgui Dieng (Senegal, Timberwolves) each scored 21 points as their teams lost.
Chris Sheridan is publisher and editor-in-chief of SheridanHoops.com. He has covered every senior U.S. national team since the 1996 Olympics (and will be reporting on the 2014 World Cup on-site from Barcelona and Madrid from Sept. 5-16). Follow him on Twitter.